Dinner Party Dreams
If we can't eat pizza on the floor together, we can't go to the ritz.
From the bathroom floor to the living room floor - here’s another look into one of my favorite wild cozy free spaces.
If you haven’t read Bathroom Floor yet, check it out below!
People often tell me that it’s easy to tell how much I love my friends. And oh man, do I love my friends. It’s one of my favorite compliments to receive.
Over the course of my life so far, I’ve gone from being an introvert to an extroverted introvert. I need alone time to recharge, but I’m still constantly seeking out more and more time with my friends. The more consistent, regular gatherings the better. Like you see on TV and in movies. Sunday night dinners, movie nights, popping in and out of each other’s apartments as if we’re in an episode of Friends. Any excuse to get together.
When I was applying to college, an alumni interviewer fondly told me that she and some of her close friends all still live nearby each other in their college town, and that they hang out on someone’s porch every single Sunday. I’ve held that image close ever since. I almost went to that college just for that reason alone. As a shy 18 year old with a lot of social anxiety, nothing sounded better to me than having a close group of friends who all lived close by.
I didn’t end up going to that college, but I did go somewhere where I was still lucky enough to find some of my lifelong friends (shoutout to Vassar!) We may not all live near each other anymore, but for four years I got to live out my sitcom dreams of regular gatherings and close camaraderie. I would give just about anything to be in a parlor rehearsing with my a cappella group on a Sunday afternoon, laughing deliriously during what feels like the millionth hour of tech rehearsal for a play, or even just hanging out doing homework and listening to music on a random weekday night. (I mean, I’d skip the homework but you get the point.)
College certainly wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies whatsoever, but in hindsight, the sense of collective community I had during those years is pretty hard to beat.
Adult friendships post college have been far more difficult to find and sustain. It’s taken tremendous effort and patience for me to make new friends who live in the same area as me - let alone entire friend groups. And even if you can find a friend group, it is so challenging to make plans and navigate schedules. And once you figure out a date, it’s even harder to find something to do beyond the default of dinner or drinks.
In my early twenties, I had a friend who exclusively liked the finer things in life. She only wanted to go to the very best restaurants, drink top shelf liquor, and wear designer clothes. Hanging out with her was an expensive, glamorous adventure. But we hung out all the time, and I really enjoyed the consistency of our get togethers.
It was always my job to pick the restaurant when I wanted to go somewhere casual and less pricey. I took her to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants once, and she said that she was “glad she didn’t wear her Prada Mule shoes to an establishment like this.” At a casual brunch spot with amazing pancakes, she complained that there were too many children.
And of course, there was our tropical girls’ trip where she insisted that we only go to hotel restaurants, instead of the more “island places” on a literal Caribbean island. I had the most overpriced, horrible French food of my life on that trip. But the tablecloths were nice.
Our friendship disintegrated for far more complex reasons than her expensive taste, but that aspect was definitely on the con side.
Fast forward to my late twenties. I ran into my friend, Marc, who I hadn’t seen since college in the east village on Valentine’s Day. We weren’t super close back then, but I had fond memories of them.
A few weeks later, I invited them over to my house for dinner. When I invited them, I had grandiose plans of cooking something fabulous. When the day arrived, I found myself underprepared and the best I could hope for was take-out or boiling pasta. I was going through a really difficult season in my personal life, and didn’t have the energy for a restaurant, or an elaborate hosting situation.
Marc didn’t care. I don’t even remember what we ate. All I remember is how amazing it was to catch up with them, and that they felt cozy and welcomed, despite the setting or the menu. They were just happy to see me.
We started hanging out at my place pretty often after that, since this friend’s job was near my apartment at the time. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for them to arrive while I was in the middle of finishing up work. They had no issue entertaining themselves until I was ready to unwind with them.
Once, I had just finished a workout when they arrived. Embarrassed at how sweaty I was, I shyly asked, “Hey, would you mind if I took a shower? I’ll be really quick. You can watch whatever you want, have a glass of wine, and snack on some popcorn?”
Marc smiled and said “Of course! Don’t rush, enjoy that shower!” and probably something like “great post-workout glow babe, look at you go.”
Marc is the kind of friend who always hypes me up. No matter what I’m wearing. No matter how sweaty and gross I’m feeling.
And we’ve made some of our best memories hanging out on my living room floor, having deep conversations, laughing until we cry, singing along to Carrie Underwood and everything in between. (Don’t ask me what my favorite Carrie song is, there are just too many. That’s a whole other post.)
I am in my own lane
I will not let myself down
I am in my own place
I am my own house
I’ve developed the motto, “If we can't eat pizza on the floor together, we can't go to the ritz." Because if we can’t have fun eating takeout on the floor, I’m not spending $100 to hang out with you.
Staying in and being cozy with my people is my favorite thing. Another wonderful friend of mine just got a puppy (my perfect angel nephew) and sitting on their floor playing with him with a movie on in the background has brought me far more joy than a $40 appetizer ever has.
(That same friend had tacos and grocery store doughnuts at her wedding, which I think is just the best thing ever. I met her a few years after she got married, so I unfortunately did not get to indulge in this feast, but I like to pretend I was there.)
The living room floor is a literal place that I love, but it’s also figurative and lives inside of me. It’s vulnerable and messy. There are crumbs and blankets and pillows scattered about. It’s where my wild cozy free self feels most at home to say and think and be whatever she feels. Everything doesn’t have to make sense there. Sweatpants are the dress code. Laughing until you cry, and crying until you laugh are both encouraged.
The older I get, the more important I realize it is to have friends who I can be my living room floor self around. Friends who I don’t have to spend a ton of money to hang out with. Friends whose version of “the finer things” is making a dessert charcuterie board with cookies from Janie’s Life Changing Baked Goods. (And my God, they are life changing.)
And yeah, the ritz can be fun sometimes too. Or the Plaza. I went there for high tea for a good friend’s birthday recently. And I also had my first sleepover there when I was 8 for another friend’s birthday.
At my adult friend’s birthday, we ran around taking pictures in the lobby afterwards and geeked out over the Eloise paintings.
And at my 8 year old friend’s sleepover, we totally made a mess during dinner right after our very prim and proper etiquette lesson, and then gleefully ran around the hallway in our pajamas.
Eloise might live at the plaza, but she’s also very wild cozy free, in my book. We could all learn a lot from her. Don’t be afraid to be your full self. Show the people in your life how much you love them. Enjoy luxuries like morning room service and fluffy pink beds when you can, but remember that they aren’t everything. Go undercover sometimes. (Okay that one is probably more specific to Eloise.)
From https://www.theplazany.com.
Every now and then, I go all out and plan an elaborate dinner party for my friends, with a cute tablescape and everything. Sometimes I even make assigned seating placards just for fun. And I usually cook at least 3 things and stress myself out, even though it’s a potluck.
But at the end of the day, no one is going to text me about any of that stuff when they let me know that they got home safe. They might say how delicious the food was (living room floor or not, I live for good food.) But mostly, I hope that they’ll say what a great time they had connecting, telling stories, and just being themselves.
Woah, I got a living room floor
And I got it deep down in my soul.
Where do you feel most at home with your friends? What do you like to do together? Any mottos that you keep in mind when making new ones? Let me know in the comments, or send me a message.
Oh my gosh I loved this essay! I still remember that post workout glow! You don’t need me to tell you thank you for always being an open door after those long days at work.
Aside from being featured🥹, it really does make you think about the values that different relationships in your life bring, and how every one is different. Being tuned in to them is the hard part.
I absolutely love this: “I’ve developed the motto, “If we can't eat pizza on the floor together, we can't go to the ritz." Because if we can’t have fun eating takeout on the floor, I’m not spending $100 to hang out with you.”
I love connection over location any day. And I love the coziness of home.