Soul Voice

An Invitation Inward

A few announcements before we dig in -

1. Can you help me reach my goal, of selling 50 of my new downloadable guided journals by January 31st? I’ve sold 16 so far.

 Authentic by Alexa is the guide I wish I'd had while navigating the many winding roads of my life that got me here. I created it to make my signature coaching process accessible to as many people as possible.

I’ve spent a lot of my life wishing for the perfect answers. I’ve learned as a life coach, that perfect answers don’t exist. 

But thoughtful, inquisitive questions do. And those kinds of questions will guide you to your unique answers.  Just like they led me to mine. 

Here’s a question you might have right now — why is she trying to sell 50 journals? Why 50? Why the deadline of January 31st?

I’m not going to receive a prize if I reach that amount by that date. We’re not on Shark Tank. This isn’t a Kickstarter. I don’t have a matching fund from a rich anonymous donor.

50 journals is a personal goal that I’ve set for myself and my business, to start this new year, and this new adventure in my life.

Launching my coaching business is the biggest investment I’ve ever made in myself. Helping me meet this goal is like investing in me.

(After all, my tax expert always says that my business and I are one and the same!) 

Sharing this goal with you is a huge exercise in vulnerability. I feel like I’m standing up with a megaphone, shouting “I can’t do this alone! I need your help!”

And I do. I do need your help.

I know that this guide can help people dig deep, discover their true selves, and get in touch with who they’re meant to be, and how they’re meant to show up in the world. I believe in its ability to help people become more themselves, just like I believe in my ability as a life coach. 

This is the work I was meant to do. Help me meet this goal so that I can share Authentic by Alexa with as many people as possible this January and beyond.

2. There’s still time to become a paid subscriber and receive two 60-minute coaching sessions!

If you’re curious about what it’s like to work with me as a coach, just read this post or check out my website.

In addition to those coaching sessions, you’ll also receive access to some past posts I’ve recently made exclusive to paid subscribers AND future paid content (which could include anything from more coaching offers to long-form writing, to a sneak peek at some of the creative writing projects I’m working on - both playwriting and my very first novel.)

You’ll receive those two coaching sessions at any paid subscriber level ($8/month, $80/year (17% cheaper than subscribing monthly), or VIP starting at $125/month.) However, you’ll only be able to access paid content itself while your paid subscription plan is active.

This offer lasts until January 31st. Upgrade your subscription below!

3. Authenticity Tuesdays

We have been having the best conversations, and there’s still time for you to join us for our last one! We meet on Tuesdays from 8 - 9PM EST on Zoom. Totally free. Head to my instagram to check out some of our past discussion prompts, and email me at alexajordancoaching@gmail.com if you’d like to be added to the email list so that you can receive the link to join!

Okay, that’s it! On with the essay.

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I often don’t come up with topics for these essays until Tuesday night, but this week I feel like I’m cutting it especially close.

I almost devoted my entire blog this week to talking about my goal of selling 50 guided journals. I am really invested in that goal, and would deeply appreciate your support - and at the same time, a little voice inside of me whispered, “No. You have more to say this week.”

That little whispering voice was definitely my soul voice, as Laura McKowen calls it. On a recent episode of We Can Do Hard Things, she notes

I’ve never met an individual who didn’t know somewhere in there, this little voice was in there saying small, like almost one word things like, stop, no, yes, do that. Those whispers, I think of it as like your soul voice.

Your soul speaks in very simple statements. It doesn’t say a whole lot, but it’s like, not that, yes, enough.

You have to be in your body and still, for enough to just hear that and that costs no money, that’s right. You know, quiet, like some kind of quiet. I mean, even if it’s just, you’re sitting on a subway and you put headphones in and you put on like a meditation, which can just be a YouTube like silence for five minutes and you just think, where am I, what am I doing?… Is this what I want to be doing? How do I feel?.... What do I want?

-Laura McKowen

Since I’m not sure what I want to say, but my soul voice is convinced something is there, maybe I’ll just start with those five questions.

Where am I?

At my kitchen table, in my apartment, in New York City. I always joke that I do most of my best writing in the notes app of my phone, while I’m on the go, but I also do a lot of my good writing here.

My 2024 anecdote candle is next to me, along with a stack of books that I’ve been revisiting lately. I’m currently reading The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris. I know the plot because I watched the limited series on Hulu. I would have opted to read the book first, but my friend invited me to a screening with Zakiya (which is probably one of the only excuses that book fans will accept, for watching a show before reading the book.) She is so kind, brilliant, and funny. I love the quote she chose for the start of the novel -

“Black history is Black horror.”

- Tannarive Due, Horror Noire: A History of Black Horror.

What am I doing?

Writing. Grieving. Dreaming. Hoping. Searching. Grappling. Sleeping. Healing.

Today, I went to the dentist, came home, made a pot of soup, did a little social media work for some clients, and led Authenticity Tuesdays. And I am so tired. My friend, and coach, Loryn, likes to remind me that thinking requires energy. You are literally burning calories while you think.

And I, like many of you, am an overthinker. So it’s no wonder that I can be exhausted even from sitting still and thinking all day.

Also, that soup required a lot of chopping. And I used my immersion blender.

See what I just did there? I had to write out a whole paragraph to justify my exhaustion.

Everyone I know agrees that January has been exhausting. I would like a month between December and January where I just got to cuddle up on the couch, watch tv, read books, and eat soup.

The upside of this exhaustion is that the things I really love doing rise to the surface.

As an introvert, it shocks me that I actually gain energy from coaching. I always leave sessions so fired up. I feel the same way after writing. I’ll probably have a wave of energy after I finish this post.

Is this what I want to be doing?

This question comes up at least 5x a day for me, these days. Grief has made me a deeply intentional person. Life feels shorter than ever. Making the most of it is simply about being as kind to myself and others as possible, and designing a life where my authentic self can flourish. Sometimes my authentic self wants to go out there and have extraordinary adventures. Sometimes I want to lay on the couch and binge-watch Suits.

What I don’t want is to… well, quite simply, I don’t want to do things that I don’t want to do. If I’m doing something I don’t want to do, that action has to be in service of a greater goal that exceeds that temporary discomfort. If I’m making myself do something I don’t want to do - it has to be the right kind of hard, as Glennon Doyle says.

ex: I don’t want to get up at 4 AM, but I do want to make my flight and go on that trip.

ex: I don’t want to do my dishes, but I do want to have a clean house.

Martha Beck also talks about getting clear on the things you want to do, and have to do, and I think that it’s a great way to look at things. If I don’t want to do it, and I don’t have to do it — I need to take a really good look in the mirror and figure out why I’m still doing it.

How do I feel?

Raw. I feel pretty ruthless and brazen with all of my emotions right now. The joy, the pain, the annoyance. All of my emotions feel pretty intense these days, in a good way.

I feel very connected to myself. I am experiencing some of the worst emotional pain I have ever felt while grieving. I am hanging onto my life rafts and moving through the sea.

What do I want?

Just saving the easiest question for last!

Kidding - that’s never an easy question.

I want so much. And I want to feel unashamed of that desire. I want to own my ambition.

I want a cozy, peaceful, ambitious, wildly successful life.

I want deep, thoughtful friendships.

I want delicious bowls of soup that warm my insides and endless cups of coffee.

I want to travel somewhere completely new and get lost wandering the streets of that new city.

I want to go back in time and have tea in the morning with my Aunt Eileen, who passed away while I was in high school.

I want to go further back in time and have tea with my grandmother, Juanita, who died before I was born.

I want to go back in time to when I was little, and we’d go to my Aunt Lucille’s house on Saturdays and hang out with all of my cousins, young and old. So many of the people in those memories are no longer alive. They’re still with me. But not with me.

But hopefully, close by.

I rewatched a video this weekend that I had seen a while back. I found it comforting. Amanda’s book is also deeply moving.

I’ll end by tossing it over to you.

Where are you? What are you doing? Is this what you want to be doing? How do you feel? What do you want?

Feel free to share in the comments, or keep the answers to yourself in a journal etc.

Thanks for these questions, and this invitation to stillness, Laura McKowen. (Here’s that podcast link. Available wherever you listen.)

And thank YOU, as always, for bearing witness to my wild cozy free self each week.