Dispatches From The Sea, Edition #1

what to give when you have 'nothing' to give

Remember when I said there were going to be less frequent free posts, now that I’ve built the seawall?

I lied. Well, not intentionally. But I’ve changed my mind a little?

The bulk of my writing here is going forward to stay behind the seawall for the time being. That choice still feels good.

It felt good right away. It also felt particularly good when I immediately gained two new paid subscribers, landed at #68 on the Substack Rising Bestseller List, and then quickly rose to #49 over the weekend.

Incredibly validating, especially after New Yorker Goes West landed at #15 back in July.

Are numbers everything? No. Do these lists change all the time, like any bestseller list? Yes. Am I still letting myself relish in this public recognition of my work? Yes.

I genuinely value every single person here so much, whether you’ve been a Wild Cozy Free subscriber since day 1, or last week. Maybe you’re just stumbling along this post while scrolling around Substack. However you got here, and no matter when, I’m grateful for you.

And I want to make sure there’s something for everyone at every level of the beach.

If you’re confused about the beach references/metaphors — go read this or bookmark it for later. I’m really proud of it.

I recently read an essay written by

megan falley

, wife of the incredible human and poet

Andrea Gibson

, who recently passed away. In the essay, Megan talks about all of the signs Andrea has sent to her and other loved ones. A gorgeous sunset, a song, a cashier named Andrea in TJ Max.

I then decided to read the last piece Andrea published here herself, before she passed on July 14th, 2025. In it, she writes about how Megan instructed her friends to bring her problems, when they came to visit, because “Andrea thrives when they’re helping other people.”

Meg knew what I hadn’t yet been able to say: that care went both ways. That being medicine for others is medicine to me.

Of course, there were days I didn’t have that in me. Days when I was simply too sick to have a conversation. In those moments I asked a friend who once lived with an illness even rougher than mine, “How do I feel like I have anything to give when I can barely get out of bed?”

A bit earlier on in the post, Andrea writes,

When I was in my mid-twenties, I wrote: The hardest thing about having nothing is having nothing to give.

A sentiment I can deeply relate to right now, even at the age of 30, with far less means to help others than I’d like. I intimately know what it’s like to feel like you have nothing to give — or that what you have is simply not enough.

But here’s the thing. Just because I think something, doesn’t make that thought true.

This is the last line of Andrea Gibson’s essay referenced above —

In lieu of regular free weekly essays — I’ve decided to send a very imperfect collection of things that are making me laugh, cry, or just think. How often? I’m not sure. Less than regularly but more than occasionally? I’m not going to stress about it.

Picture yourself standing on a (very safe) cliff overlooking the sea. I’m out there in the waves, or resting on the shore. I take a few minutes to scribble down a postcard. I summon a seagull. The seagull swoops down to me, grabs the postcard, and brings it to you.

Inside, you might find…

1. a video of the deeply gifted, highly entertaining Vanessa Imani; a toddler who loves music and improvises lyrics to sing along while her father plays piano.

2. an essay I loved like this one by Megan Falley and this one by Andrea Gibson, which I talked about above, or this one by

   Kelley from Black Girl Burnout
   . (And a lot more that I’ve been reposting in my notes!)

3. a question I’m pondering — ex: why are some men so comfortable taking up so much space on public transit? I have never existed that loudly in my life, and I don’t have a desire to. There’s a difference between taking up space and intruding on someone else’s space! The subway has been such a time lately.

4. a show I loved — I’m obsessed with The Hunting Wives and I wish I could erase my brain and watch it again. KPOP Demon Hunters is also 100% worth the hype. I was skeptical too, but I was truly obsessed like 2 minutes in. Like, I watched it without scrolling through my phone, obsessed. Undivided attention. Both of these are on Netflix.

5. a realization — or maybe a reminder? a thought? I don’t know what to call it. But what I do know is that I’m becoming more comfortable with contradictions within myself lately. I feel less of a need to explain myself to both myself and others. I think I’m starting to naturally pay more attention to what I need and want without constantly justifying it or dissecting it.

   A non-serious example — I recently discovered that I love dipping grilled cheese sandwiches into cold or lukewarm chili. What’s the rhyme or reason? I don’t know. Just love it.

   A slightly more serious example? This has been one of the hardest years of my life, and I’ve watched less Gilmore Girls than ever. My ultimate comfort show. The show I can quote up and down and sideways and across the town square and back. It’s weird. But like, I’m not going to now turn the TV on and make myself watch it just because I notice I’ve been watching it less. It’s just a thing that’s happening.

6. a recommendation — the brown sugar oat milk creamer at Trader Joe’s. I have discussed it in therapy. I have braved the elements (really heavy rain) to get it. It’s so good. It gives me life. You’ve just gotta try it.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got for now. Did this feel like love? Was this enough? I’m gonna go ahead and hope the answer is yes, and that you’re enjoying your time here on the beach that is Wild Cozy Free.

Thanks for being here.

Note on Paid Subscriptions —

Read this to learn more about why I’ve switched to a primarily paid subscription model, and read this to find out why I think you’re gonna love it here.

Paid subscribers help me sustain this community and my life as a writer.

Other ways to support me include —