I really resonate with this. I did the same as a teenager, would pretend to myself that my parents were dead so as to explain my feelings. How stories help and hide us. Thanks for sharing.
This makes my day - thank you so much for listening Marisa! It is a DAILY struggle to remember to wash my face haha. It makes me so happy when people are honest about how hard it can be to accomplish the “little things” like this. No idea how people are keeping up with these 8 step face routines consistently, I can only dream of that 😂
I hit post too soon on my earlier comment. I meant to add that instead of making up stories to justify how easily I cried I repeatedly told myself I had to learn to hide my feelings, or better yet not feel them at all.
That probably contributed to my battles with depression- all that stored grief (and anger, which I was also shamed for expressing) had to surface sometimes because there was no room left to stuff more of it, or the feelings were so intense that I wasn’t capable of hiding them, even in public.
Writing online about my mental health issues has finally (mostly, but not always) freed me from that shame. Now if I cry in public I may get mildly embarrassed but I no longer beat myself up for being highly sensitive and emotional.
Thank you so much for sharing this Wendi! Definitely have done my fair share of hiding my feelings and trying not to feel them. As Glennon says, feelings are for feeling.
Really appreciate you being so open about your battles with depression as well. I’m so glad to hear that writing about your struggles has freed you from so much shame. Hoping that the same will continue to be true for me. Grateful to connect with another highly sensitive and emotional soul ❤️
I really enjoyed this piece, I like the way you connected the two different photos to your story. I like the sort of personable dialogue with the reader style of cadence that ran throughout. And I really like the idea that - we don’t need a reason to cry.
A wonderful read. Thanks for going past the point of no return.
When I read this piece, I am struck by the powerful imagery you have created discussing quick flashes versus longer-exposure images. It have me literal chills. But I am also struck by why you made up that first story, which is that society has taught you that you have to have a good enough reason to feel how you feel. That you have to consider all the angles of other's perceptions, which is a main driver of social anxiety. That your own needs (such as needing to rest when sick) SHOULDN'T come in the way of supporting your friend. That pain, shadows, aren't just as much a part of life as the light and shouldn't be given equal room in our lives. Something to be accepted, not fought against. Accepting the dark parts doesn't mean wallowing in them, but it does mean acknowledging that they are okay to exist for a time.
I am doing an interview for TIME magazine later today on the rise of mental health topics in social media and I would really like to be able to bring up this piece. If I don't hear back before the interview (which would be totally reasonable as you don't just sit on your phone all day checking for comments 🙃) I will not reference your piece as I would feel it was an invasion of privacy, despite the fact that this is a publicly available piece. I'm a little strange about privacy 😅 The reason I would like to bring this up is that sometimes, some of the most powerful help out they're isn't from licensed clinicians like me giving wellness tips. It's people sharing their own stories that others can connect to.
Victoria! I am so, so grateful that the essay resonated with you so deeply. There’s so much more I’d like to respond to here - but wanted to quickly get back to you first and say that you can ABSOLUTELY bring up this piece during your interview, and anywhere else you’d like to!! Incredibly honored ❤️
I apologize for the delay in answer. My first child is due in a few weeks and we've had some difficult complications that have pulled my attention. I did the TIME interview in May then they reached out last week to upgrade the piece to a video piece. I don't know what material they will use vs not, but I thought you might be interested to hear the segment where I was discussing your piece. I can email that section over as you gave me your email. It will come from relax.solve.thrive@gmail. Personally I don't open links from senders I don't know so I wanted to give you the heads up.
Hi Victoria! No need to apologize, your health and the birth of your first child should absolutely be your priority! Sending my best and hoping that you’re taking care of yourself and that you and baby are as healthy as possible. Would love to connect over email - you can reach me at wildcozyfree@gmail.com
Just wanted to circle back here and highlight this sentence in your incredibly thoughtful response, which means so much to me. “Accepting the dark parts doesn't mean wallowing in them, but it does mean acknowledging that they are okay to exist for a time.” All just so beautifully said. Again, I’m just really deeply grateful that “Shadows” resonated with you like this, and so grateful that we’ve connected. Love having you in the wild cozy free community!
Loved this essay! I don't remember if I ever told stories like this to make sense of feelings. I'm actually talking to my therapist about feelings and where how I navigate things may have come from in childhood! It's all those stories we tell ourselves that can end up unconscious, because I thought I was addressing so much on my own!
But she's opened my eyes to so much!
I'm glad you learned to embrace your feelings without stories. It's so wild how you/we feel like we need to keep going and going to make people SEE and WITNESS what we're feeling or going through.
Thank you so much for this vulnerable response, Cierra! I deeply appreciate it, and of course relate. And always a huge fan of therapy- my therapist hears about all of these blogs haha.
Haha, love it! I legitimately waited nearly a decade before I could get proper therapy so I'm SO excited to finally have access to it, AND love her. I'm lettin' it ALL out; we're getting to the bottom of some things!
And you're absolutely welcome. I love how writing can bring people together and open up new perspectives and/or ideas!
It is amazing the stories we make to explain things. All of the stories I made I only told myself. Like it’s not ok to cry in front of people. And how great it was that I could carry all of my bags myself as I moved between my divorced parents houses. Stories are powerful.
Thank you so much for sharing this. The stories we tell ourselves are truly so powerful, as are our internalized views on strength, softness, and vulnerability.
Thought of your substack when writing about Brené's podcast about Day 2, she also refers to it as the messy middle where the magic happens.
I really resonate with this. I did the same as a teenager, would pretend to myself that my parents were dead so as to explain my feelings. How stories help and hide us. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for reading the text. It was nice to listen to your voice on the audio instead of an AI. And wow, you sing really well!!
I always get mad at my body for being too sick. That was very relatable. It also made me wash my face, lol.
This makes my day - thank you so much for listening Marisa! It is a DAILY struggle to remember to wash my face haha. It makes me so happy when people are honest about how hard it can be to accomplish the “little things” like this. No idea how people are keeping up with these 8 step face routines consistently, I can only dream of that 😂
Glad it's not just me! Such a pain in the ass to wash my face + skincare routine
I hit post too soon on my earlier comment. I meant to add that instead of making up stories to justify how easily I cried I repeatedly told myself I had to learn to hide my feelings, or better yet not feel them at all.
That probably contributed to my battles with depression- all that stored grief (and anger, which I was also shamed for expressing) had to surface sometimes because there was no room left to stuff more of it, or the feelings were so intense that I wasn’t capable of hiding them, even in public.
Writing online about my mental health issues has finally (mostly, but not always) freed me from that shame. Now if I cry in public I may get mildly embarrassed but I no longer beat myself up for being highly sensitive and emotional.
Thank you so much for sharing this Wendi! Definitely have done my fair share of hiding my feelings and trying not to feel them. As Glennon says, feelings are for feeling.
Really appreciate you being so open about your battles with depression as well. I’m so glad to hear that writing about your struggles has freed you from so much shame. Hoping that the same will continue to be true for me. Grateful to connect with another highly sensitive and emotional soul ❤️
I love your juxtaposition of the two ceiling photos! How much we lose in the flash. Thanks for sharing these thoughts
Thank you so much for reading, Julia! So well said, we really do lose so much in the flash.
I really enjoyed this piece, I like the way you connected the two different photos to your story. I like the sort of personable dialogue with the reader style of cadence that ran throughout. And I really like the idea that - we don’t need a reason to cry.
A wonderful read. Thanks for going past the point of no return.
Thank you so much, Michael! I so appreciate this feedback. Really glad you enjoyed Shadows.
When I read this piece, I am struck by the powerful imagery you have created discussing quick flashes versus longer-exposure images. It have me literal chills. But I am also struck by why you made up that first story, which is that society has taught you that you have to have a good enough reason to feel how you feel. That you have to consider all the angles of other's perceptions, which is a main driver of social anxiety. That your own needs (such as needing to rest when sick) SHOULDN'T come in the way of supporting your friend. That pain, shadows, aren't just as much a part of life as the light and shouldn't be given equal room in our lives. Something to be accepted, not fought against. Accepting the dark parts doesn't mean wallowing in them, but it does mean acknowledging that they are okay to exist for a time.
I am doing an interview for TIME magazine later today on the rise of mental health topics in social media and I would really like to be able to bring up this piece. If I don't hear back before the interview (which would be totally reasonable as you don't just sit on your phone all day checking for comments 🙃) I will not reference your piece as I would feel it was an invasion of privacy, despite the fact that this is a publicly available piece. I'm a little strange about privacy 😅 The reason I would like to bring this up is that sometimes, some of the most powerful help out they're isn't from licensed clinicians like me giving wellness tips. It's people sharing their own stories that others can connect to.
Victoria! I am so, so grateful that the essay resonated with you so deeply. There’s so much more I’d like to respond to here - but wanted to quickly get back to you first and say that you can ABSOLUTELY bring up this piece during your interview, and anywhere else you’d like to!! Incredibly honored ❤️
I apologize for the delay in answer. My first child is due in a few weeks and we've had some difficult complications that have pulled my attention. I did the TIME interview in May then they reached out last week to upgrade the piece to a video piece. I don't know what material they will use vs not, but I thought you might be interested to hear the segment where I was discussing your piece. I can email that section over as you gave me your email. It will come from relax.solve.thrive@gmail. Personally I don't open links from senders I don't know so I wanted to give you the heads up.
Hi Victoria! No need to apologize, your health and the birth of your first child should absolutely be your priority! Sending my best and hoping that you’re taking care of yourself and that you and baby are as healthy as possible. Would love to connect over email - you can reach me at wildcozyfree@gmail.com
Just wanted to circle back here and highlight this sentence in your incredibly thoughtful response, which means so much to me. “Accepting the dark parts doesn't mean wallowing in them, but it does mean acknowledging that they are okay to exist for a time.” All just so beautifully said. Again, I’m just really deeply grateful that “Shadows” resonated with you like this, and so grateful that we’ve connected. Love having you in the wild cozy free community!
Loved this essay! I don't remember if I ever told stories like this to make sense of feelings. I'm actually talking to my therapist about feelings and where how I navigate things may have come from in childhood! It's all those stories we tell ourselves that can end up unconscious, because I thought I was addressing so much on my own!
But she's opened my eyes to so much!
I'm glad you learned to embrace your feelings without stories. It's so wild how you/we feel like we need to keep going and going to make people SEE and WITNESS what we're feeling or going through.
Society is so weird and sad sometimes.
Thank you so much for this vulnerable response, Cierra! I deeply appreciate it, and of course relate. And always a huge fan of therapy- my therapist hears about all of these blogs haha.
Haha, love it! I legitimately waited nearly a decade before I could get proper therapy so I'm SO excited to finally have access to it, AND love her. I'm lettin' it ALL out; we're getting to the bottom of some things!
And you're absolutely welcome. I love how writing can bring people together and open up new perspectives and/or ideas!
It is amazing the stories we make to explain things. All of the stories I made I only told myself. Like it’s not ok to cry in front of people. And how great it was that I could carry all of my bags myself as I moved between my divorced parents houses. Stories are powerful.
Thank you so much for sharing this. The stories we tell ourselves are truly so powerful, as are our internalized views on strength, softness, and vulnerability.
Thought of your substack when writing about Brené's podcast about Day 2, she also refers to it as the messy middle where the magic happens.
Ha! After I named it, rather randomly, I keep running across people using the term.
it's great that it's so relatable!
I love Glennon Doyle’s books too! I quoted one in my newsletter recently: https://wendigordon.substack.com/p/have-you-had-enough-afgos-recently
Ooh so excited to check it out!