The Flower and The Fury
On rage, flowers, perfection, and truth.
Another huge thank you for all of the support on my essay from a few weeks ago, discussing Why I Became a Life Coach. I’m continually overwhelmed by the response, and so grateful for the community. I’d love it if you would share it with someone who you think it might resonate with. And remember - all paid subscribers will receive two 60 minute coaching sessions, if you sign up before January 31st!
Below is an excerpt from one of my plays, entitled The Flower and The Fury. The dialogue below spoils none of the plot, but it does explain where I got the name for the play.
JESSICA
Fine, fine. Anyway, yeah it’s a flower name. Known as a cure to the madness. It means rational. In Hebrew it also means joy. Not far from Melissa, which means honeybee.
KENNEDY
Okay, not bad.
JESSICA
But Lyssa is the spirit of blind rage and fury. She actually existed before the Olympians rose to power. And then the “Gods” came along and used her to provoke blind rage in mortals. But she herself had self-control over this power, only using it when she had no other choice.
KENNEDY
Well damn.
JESSICA
You just add one letter and rage becomes a delicate, yet powerful, little flower. An antidote to the fury. Don’t they make that sound so easy?
It’s not easy at all.
And yet we do it every day. Every single day.
Every time we send an email that opens with “hope this finds you well” even though we ourselves woke up bleary eyed and aching, exhausted by the never ending terrors of the world.
Every time we type away at our computers like diligent little worker bees, as if we’re not facing another global tragedy. Raise your hand if you worked through the January 6th insurrection, glancing at the TV in shock in between phone calls about decidedly less consequential things?
I'm not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, 'For the same reason I laugh so often--because I'm paying attention.' I tell them that we can choose to be perfect and admired or to be real and loved. We must decide.
- Glennon Doyle, Love Warrior.
I have made my choice, to be real and loved instead of perfect and admired.
I am done morphing my rage into a delicate little flower.
We can be both the madness itself and the cure. If we let ourselves, and our true emotions be known. Not just the ones that are convenient for polite society.
I grew up very well behaved. Damn near close to perfect. And I held a lot in.
I know that many parents are sick of hearing Frozen - but kids could honestly choose a much worse anthem to be obsessed.
Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well, now they know
-Let It Go
Well, now they know.
The cave where I imagine my authentic self living, is a lot like Elsa’s ice castle.
She wasn’t mean to live there forever either.
She was meant to embrace her true self, and celebrate her gifts - not hide them.
And we are all meant to do the same.
We are never doing anyone any favors by withholding our gifts from the world. It’s scary to be fierce, but you can’t compromise that for fear of losing those around you.
- Idina Menzel
In addition to imagining my most authentic self deep in a cave, where she is free to embrace all of who she is — I also often liken her to my 3AM self.
We run around acting like we’re fine all day long. But when you are up at 3AM and can’t fall back to sleep, it’s like everything you’ve been pushing down swirls all around you. The truth of who you are rises to the surface.
If only we could make space for our truth in the daylight hours more often.
A lot of people think becoming a more authentic version of themselves requires a full overhaul of their lives. Like in Eat Pray Love, or Untamed. There’s this idea that the discovery of your most authentic life will cost you, and I think we sometimes tend to focus on the loss instead of the gain.
There is a lot of truth to the saying that “your new life is going to cost you your old one.”
But also, it’s not always that black and white.
You do have to learn to put yourself first to prioritize your authenticity, and what you truly want.
And yet, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll decide to leave your husband and a) travel the world, or b) marry an Olympic soccer star.
(But, honestly, those both sound like great options though.)
I cannot tell you exactly what will happen once you tap into your authenticity. The realizations you’ll have. The relationships that may change. The choices you’ll make about your life.
All I know, is that we only get one life.* Don’t you want to spend yours being exactly who you are, instead of pretending that you’re fine all the time and people pleasing for the sake of the status quo?
(*Unless you believe in reincarnation - which I honestly might. And if I do get to come back, I definitely plan to be a really spoiled dog next time around.)
If you want to chat more about cultivating authenticity in your life, and making room for your real, messy, gorgeous self - don’t hesitate to reach out.
And if you’re interested in doing some coaching around bridging the gap between your inner and outer worlds, check out my limited time offer for paid subscribers at all levels below.
I’ll leave you with a song that I’ve been obsessed with lately. I’ll probably write a whole essay about it one day. It’s that good.
Ooh, do you hear that?
It's the sound of a new wind blowin'
Ooh, do you feel that?
Heart lettin' go of the weight it's been holdin'
I've made miracles in the shadows
But now that I'm out in the sun
I'll never stop growin', wherever I'm goin'
Hope I'm not the only one