What Authenticity Means to Brenna Potter CLC Pt.1

On inner child work, arts and crafts, and authenticity in the workplace

An Exciting Update

I reached my goal of selling 50 of my new guided journals, Authentic by Alexa!! Thank you SO much for your support in helping me reach this goal. I am so deeply grateful. Here’s to more authenticity.

What Authenticity Means to….

Today begins my new interview series, where I’ll be exploring what authenticity means to different people! I’ll still be writing my personal essays sporadically, but am really excited to shift the weekly spotlight to people who inspire me. If you know someone who would be interested in participating in this series, please reach out! The first iteration of this series will likely last for around two months or so - we’ll see!

I’m so excited to kick off this interview series with my wonderful friend Brenna! We met through our book club, and both also graduated from the Life Purpose Institute. Brenna also attended many of my Authenticity Tuesday conversations, as you’ll see us reference below.

Now for her more “formal” intro. (Or as I like to say, what you’d learn about Brenna if you met her at a cocktail party.)

Certified Life Coach, Brenna Potter is passionate about guiding young women through a transformative journey of self-discovery. With a focus on personal growth and topics such as self-love and self-compassion, she specializes in empowering her clients to become the best version of themselves while creating a life they love. As the proud owner of Coaching to Confidence, LLC, Brenna is dedicated to empowering young women as they navigate life's challenges and embrace personal growth, all while gaining confidence in the process. Her compassionate and empowering approach enables young women to discover their authentic selves, set their goals, and take action to create and live a life they love.

You can connect with Brenna and learn more about her work on Instagram at @coachingtoconfidence23 or by visiting her website.

Brenna’s insight, compassion, and wisdom truly jump off the page. I learned so much during this conversation and was left with more questions than answers.

Onto the living room floor stuff!

This is part one of a two-part conversation. Check out Part 2 here.

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ALEXA

So in addition to the questions I already have for you, I have to pull up my notes from last night because you said 20 million brilliant things that I wanted to ask you about, and then I remembered, “I get to talk to her tomorrow!”

BRENNA

I was just thinking about the question we talked about towards the end!

[Brenna is referring to a question that someone brought up during Authenticity Tuesdays. “Which emotions prompt you to pay more attention to your authentic self? Which emotions take you away from your authentic self?”] 

ALEXA 

Oh my God, I know. Things got deep again, as always!  And it was deep in a different way last night. I’m like, “Here are the prompts.” And then everyone goes, “Great, here’s my hard thing!” Everyone is so open and vulnerable in different ways, which I love – you included! 

I’ve been asking everyone what authenticity means to them, but we have such a unique entry point since we’ve been talking about this topic so much at Authenticity Tuesdays. So I’m curious about what’s coming up for you at this moment, and what’s on your mind today in that vein - as we dig into this conversation. And I know, that’s a big question! 

Is there anything standing out to you personally, right now, just in your thoughts, or anything from last night’s Authenticity Tuesday call that felt particularly poignant? 

BRENNA 

I think, reflecting on everything so far, the emotional aspect of authenticity, something that's been really like just drawing me in. I guess growing up, I was always told, like, “Oh, you're such a confident person.” And I was like, “Am I?” Like I don't think it was confidence, necessarily. I think it's just like, I didn't know how to be anybody but myself. And so to me, that's kind of like the heart of authenticity. But it comes with a lot of emotion. It comes with a lot of emotion to be the person who wears your heart on your sleeve, not because you want to, but because you're basically engineered that way. 

So I think it's been interesting even to hear other people's experiences with how emotion plays into their own authenticity because it can be a very vulnerable thing, which as we know as Brené Brown fans, is already something we struggle with in society. But you know, I just, it's neat, because I think in these spaces like you created with your Authenticity Tuesdays -  these are all people who want to have these deep conversations, and get raw and share that emotion. And I think that's such an important piece of connecting and understanding what this looks like for people. 

ALEXA 

It's always so much fun to hear about my friends before I knew them. And you know, it's so funny as we meet in life, the older we get, the more it's like “Oh, yeah, what were you like, as a teenager? And a kid?” because we didn’t know each other then!

I'm so interested in the idea of you growing up being called confident, but just not knowing how else to be. And what you said about wearing your heart on your sleeve, not because you wanted to, but because you're engineered that way. That's such powerful language. I would love to hear more about that. Did you always possess this confidence? Were you walking around at five years old and being told you were “confident Brenna”? Like, when did that kind of come up? Who is authentic little Brenna?

BRENNA 

Yeah, I love that question so much because I think in terms of the conversation around authenticity, I think we really are our most authentic selves as children. We haven't had societal ideas, pressures, and systems imposed on us or taught to us. And it's not that those are all bad things, but it really shapes your development. But when you haven't had too much exposure, you're just such a different being. And I will actually, I'll side-rail now but I promise I’ll come back to your original question

ALEXA

We love a tangent. This is a tangent-friendly space! 

BRENNA

Okay good!  So I say that because I went through a course last year around Positive Intelligence. And I know I've shared that in book club before. Part of what I learned in that course really is about that kind of true inner being, I guess, is, I think, how he refers to it. We all have this true inner self; it's our authentic self. It's our voice of wisdom. It's the voice that loves us, it acts of loving kindness, not out of fear. And that the way that we were taught in that class to kind of connect with that was to view ourselves as our childhood self. So like, one of the exercises we did was to look at a young picture of herself. So like, this is my phone screen. It's little me.

ALEXA  

Oh, my God, Brenna. Look at that little free spirit. I can see your personality in that photo immediately. I want to know more. But I also feel like I now have a picture that I can sort of like I can experience that photo, just from how you look in that picture. Thank you for sharing that! 

BRENNA 

Yeah!  It all does come back to that little version of yourself. Like that little version of me, I think is my authentic self. And she was bubbly. And she was confident because she didn't care what anybody thought about her. If she wanted to show you the dance moves she learned in ballet class this week, she would show you.  If she wanted to draw your picture and bring it to you, she would. She's creative. And she was energetic. And she loved to show people the beauty in life. And I think that's so true of who I am as an adult. But now I'm relearning how to express that. You know, given what I've learned through life experiences, and what society has taught me.

ALEXA   

That is so beautiful. And I can see that in you. And inner child work and all that stuff is so real. 

And so when you say relearning how to express that as an adult, given what you've been through, and what you've learned in life, what has that journey been like? Do you feel like there have been times in adulthood when you've strayed sort of away from that self? Are there ways in which you can cultivate that authenticity, and feel closer to that true self?

BRENNA 

I would say very truthfully that it's such a work in progress. And I think easing into my coaching life sparked that a lot. I was on my personal development journey before I entered into the coaching world. I feel like it was kind of surface level — well actually, not surface level by any means. Because I think any healing journey is so not surface level. I don't think you can call it healing if you're feeling like it’s surface-level.

At first, it was just about learning the basics to function as an adult and now it's about returning. Now I know boundaries. And now I know how to make decisions for myself. I understand the importance of holding space for myself but also for other people. And I've learned tools and I've learned how to show up for people like that, but in a way that's healthy for me, rather than like taking everybody else's stuff on.  I'm very much a recovering perfectionist. I love that phrase. It’s so accurate. 

So I think, once I got over the hump of kind of understanding all of that about myself then the next step was “How do I be more energetic and bubbly and kind and open-hearted in ways that make me happy?” 

And I think for me,  so much of that has honestly been within my therapy journey as well. And so much of it is touching back on creativity. 

I loved art as a kid. I now have a whole cart of art supplies. I have paint. I have pencils. I have markers. I have coloring pages. I have embroidery stuff. I have all the things that have ever sparked me. I love it. 

Do I do them very frequently? No. But when I do have that spark of creativity or inspiration, I have options and I can get lost in it. I was also a musician as a kid. So I have my flute here in our apartment. Another piece of creativity, it’s just self-expression. I’m not a good flute player. But, it's fun! 

ALEXA 

I used to play flute too! Orchestra kid! 

Ah, I feel like I have to mute so that I’m not constantly saying “yes yes yes” over everything you say! 

I once said to my therapist, in complete seriousness, “I'm not a perfectionist. I'm not perfect enough to be one.” And I really meant it. And then months and months later I came back and said, “So, I think I might be a perfectionist.”  And she just goes, “Yep. Interesting.” 

I also want to come over for a craft day. Your cart sounds amazing. 

BRENNA

I was literally just thinking “Do I do another vision board for 2024, just so I can craft?”  I did a digital one, so I didn’t get to cut and paste things.

ALEXA

I feel like you could get really into it. You could incorporate fabric, you could do different textures of who you are.  You could do a whole like musical piece to accompany the visual board. It’s your vision board - but I'm very excited for it.

So earlier, you were talking about “surface level”, and it reminded me of something you said last night at Authenticity Tuesdays that I was intrigued by – everyone was. You were talking about emotional labor, and surface level vs. deep level acting in your past HR job. 

Can you talk about that a little bit more, and what you learned about authenticity in that arena? I think a lot of people probably would not stereotypically associate the words authenticity and HR, with the way that we’re taught to think about it and the reputation that corporate gets. I’d love to hear more about that part of your journey, and you reflect on it now as a coach.

BRENNA 

It's such an important piece of, I would say, like life education. 

I thought I was a really good empath. But that's kind of like, the verbiage is coming.  I thought “my emotional intelligence is so high. And I'm so good with people. I'm gonna be so good at this job.” And so I was faced with the reality of it that people are difficult  because we are most times unpredictable. We react, we don't respond. And that’s something I was taught by a teacher years and years ago that I didn't understand how I was in that job. 

And this actually does tie back into wearing your heart on your sleeve –  I learned to use that to my advantage. That version of my authentic self became an advantage to me in the workplace. It was a very vulnerable way to be. But it allowed me to connect so deeply with my employees who were in distress, with my managers who were frustrated and needed to come and vent to me before we, you know, did some problem-solving.

 At the end of the day, in every single building I worked with every different group of employees I worked with, and by the time I left there, they would say “Nobody does HR like you. How am I gonna come to HR if you're not my HR rep? Because I trust you. You know me.”  And it's truly just because I let them see me.  I didn't walk in and think “Oh, this is just my job and, this is the company standards.” I'd say things like, “Listen, dude, I get it.”  I would talk to employees like I talk to my friends. “I so see you right now, and I see the frustration. But there really, truly is nothing I can personally do, I can offer you these resources. And beyond that, unfortunately, my hands are tied.  I really want to be able to do more for you. And I will escalate this to whomever I can. But here's what I can offer you right now. And just being in this space with you.” And so many times, that was enough for people.

ALEXA

Wow. I love “No one does HR like you”  and I immediately believe that. I feel like that was you coaching before you became a coach. 

BRENNA

100%. 

ALEXA

I love that. And I can just imagine you being like the best HR supervisor ever, in comparison to the stoicness and the buttoned-up picture in my head. I was reflecting on this, in my essay this week; my time as a temp receptionist - which I think we’ve talked about before. 

It was the very buttoned-up, ‘leave your feelings at home culture. The workplace and this place that we traditionally think of as corporate soulless America - it's so intense, and people are having these emotions. And so no wonder you having empathy for them is like, even just when you’re saying “there’s nothing I can do.” You didn't do “nothing.” It was everything. 

What would you say to people wanting to bring more of their authentic selves into the workplace?  Or people who are struggling to? Or who are wondering if they should? Just all the questions - I'm stacking all the questions. I’m better in my coaching, I promise - or I try to be, I just want to know everything!

BRENNA

Zero judgment, I do the same thing when I get excited!  

I think it all relates to psychological safety in the workplace. I think, whatever your company's and I'm going to use the HR ick word, but whatever your company's culture is, that means something different to a lot of people. Let's just for the sake of this conversation, say it's the behaviors and ideology of the company organization that you were a part of. 

And what that kind of brings up is your expectations for performance. That's how I would define it for this scenario. It really depends. If you're in an environment where you do not feel you can safely express yourself, and you do not feel like it's going to go well for you to go to a supervisor and ask for support differently, or to stand up to a co-worker and say, “you know, I disagree with you, can we have a conversation about this?” Or to be the person to report a safety incident that you're seeing, because you're afraid that other people are going to think you’re the tattletale. All of that has a great impact on how much you can authentically show up.

 It's so challenging, because when you don't express your full authentic self at work, sometimes I've seen that get people into trouble, right? Especially safety stuff. Like “ Oh, I don't want people to think that I'm snitching on them.” And then it's become a bigger issue. And I wish you would have had the confidence to come and see me, or see one of the leaders -  I don't care who you talk to. But you need to find somebody to escalate to because now your job is at risk. You're the one sitting in my office potentially getting in trouble because you didn't feel safe talking to us. And I'm so sorry, that’s your experience. But at the same token, we all have to be held accountable to the standards that we've promised. And this is one of those times where it's like I can't look the other way. But what I can do is advise you. And what I can do is say like, going forward, “Who can we talk to you? Who are you most comfortable talking to? Can we connect with them?”

I think coaching people through that is something that helps bring out that authenticity, but it's not something that everyone is skilled in. And it does take practice; I was not perfect at this, but by the time I left. I was really good at it. But I had two years of experience under my belt, three different buildings -  it was a crazy ride! 

 So I think it depends on psychological safety. I also think to some extent, it’s about how much you want to be the squeaky wheel.  Because some people don't want to. They want to be the worker bee that comes in and does their job and goes home and doesn’t have to interact beyond the scope of the work.

 And that’s okay. We need inspired leaders, and worker bees for life to work. 

But you know, I think to feel authentic, you have to really evaluate what values are important to you in the workplace, and what you’re going to stand for. I've always admired the employees who would come to me and say, “Listen, this person said this really, unnecessarily hurtful and harmful thing. And I don't think the person who received that comment has come to you, but I'm coming to you because I don't think it's right. And I don't think we should speak that way to each other at work.” 

That level of just being so authentic and strongly tied to your values blew me out of the water every time because that was somebody being so authentic to me and holding on to their values in the workplace. 

I hope I answered all the questions. I think psychological safety is the biggest piece, and that's one of the reasons organizational development is so important to me.

ALEXA

Is organizational development related to company culture? For a non-corporate person over here? 

BRENNA

Yeah, to an extent, org development is a lot about, in my understanding, because I’ve yet to specialize in it, and I want to,  but it's like change management. How are we growing the company and making it better? And how does that also impact the employee experience?

ALEXA

Yeah, and I want to get back into some personal stuff. But I’m also realizing I’ve never been able to have an authentic conversation around corporate things. And so I'm kind of just like, taking this in and I think people will be interested in this, too. 

I'm also thinking about how we approach change management and growing companies and being really intentional and authentic in that.  I think that people often, when they see a PD day, or they see a DEI workshop, they're like, “Oh, my God, not again”, because we know how awful some organizations are with those things. 

What does real effective org development change look like vs. phoning it in? Like you know, the classic “oh, let's put everyone in the conference room and let them air their grievances?” What would that actually look like in a dream scenario - or realistic scenario? 

BRENNA

I will say, my experience with that is limited. But I think what I did learn from the hands-on experience I had was that transparency and communication is key. 

I will caveat that and say, having been in management, and leadership, on the business side of things, you cannot always give all of the information away to employees. And that's a really tough thing. It's tough to be in the middle of that. But it's also tough to have to explain that to employees where it's like, “Listen, there is a lot going on, but I am not allowed to tell you yet. We do not have official communications so that we can effectively explain it to the whole population.”  It's a tough space to be in. But even that example I just gave within that, like, that's an example of being transparent within the bounds that you have as somebody who's in that chain of management.

 It's obnoxious to receive that. I've been there before. Like, “Oh, but I really do want to know!”  I've had a boss go, “Brenna, sometimes you don't get to know. Sometimes you need to do what you're told and move on. And if we can have time for a later conversation, we'll have it. But right now you need to just do what I've asked you to do.”

And it's you know, it's jarring, but it is true. There are so many reasons for it. But I will say, even just priming employees and saying, “Listen, I hear you, and I will listen to you anytime you need it. However, I'm not gonna be able to give you information until I have the go-ahead until this whole change management team is ready.”

But to me, that's part of being transparent. And, even if you're able to, kind of drip the information, rather than giving it all at once, I think that would be a really good way to approach it with people.

ALEXA

So let’s say someone is reading this, and they’re ready to show up more authentically in the workplace but aren’t sure how to get there. 

Maybe someone who is thinking “ I'm not a person who can be authentic. These people aren't going to want to do that with me.” 

Is there anything you’ve appreciated as an employee that leaders have done, to make authenticity more of a value in the workplace? 

BRENNA 

I feel like if that's the thought process that somebody's having, in thinking “I’m not a person that can be authentic” — the first place you have to start is defining authenticity for yourself.

 Because that thought, to me, expresses that you believe authenticity is unattainable for yourself. And that's just not the case. 

Authenticity is something different to everybody. And it's so unique to the person. So I think first, define it for yourself. 

And then one of the practices that I have used is going back to values work. 

I value open, honest, transparent communication, like honesty about everything in every aspect of my life. If someone lies to me like that, that trust is broken, almost permanently. To redeem that relationship is going to be a lengthy journey.

I look at that when I've talked to leadership when I decide which coworker I'm going to trust with certain information, which coworkers I'd like to bond with, and maybe hang out with after work sometime. But even too with asking for help in the workplace. I've had supervisors who I don’t trust. And I know that I'm supposed to go to them. But there's zero part of me that feels like it's going to be a productive conversation. I feel closed off already going into the conversation. And I don't feel like I'm going to be able to open up. So I'm not going to get out what I need out of that right? 

So I would find somebody above them. And I'd say, “Hey, I have connected with you before. I'm really struggling with this specific thing with a supervisor and I don't know how to handle them. And I really just need some guidance. Are you open to having that conversation with me?” And sometimes they'll say, yes, sometimes they'll say no.

And I think the one time I did get that when I asked for it, they were just so generous with their time. And they listened. The same way I learned to do that for my employees. And I really needed that for my authentic self. 

Even just having her listen and saying everything she said, we still came back to the fact that I needed to have a conversation with my supervisor directly. But she was able to help me roleplay a little bit and think about what to say. And doing that with somebody in scope of the workplace rather than like a friend helped tremendously so that I could approach that conversation with my supervisor with a little less anxiety.

ALEXA

I think what I'm hearing coming out as a thread in parts of this conversation, especially with HR, is the outcome might not change, but maybe the atmosphere can.  It’s like what you were talking about earlier with the people you repped in HR, and being able to say “ I can't do anything about this, but I understand. And I totally hear you, and I'm going to do everything I can.” That honesty. Sometimes you’re not being authentic and transparent in order to change something, you're just doing it to have that connection. And I feel like that is something that is important for people to understand.

 I think that people outside of the coaching world to hear us kind of going on about our values think, “Oh, well, these people just think that if you're authentic, your life will get better.” And  we never said that! It's less about the tangible results, and more about the quality of your life and how you will deal with those things. And I think that the workplace provides an unexpected metaphor for life, perhaps in this way. 

In some ways offices are kind of like these little microcosms of life. You're there for eight hours a day. And you're with these people all the time. And you're part of all these dynamics. And there’s Sheila who keeps stealing your bread, and that guy down the hall you avoid. And all of these things are happening. And so like, in a way, it's this really big emotional landscape. And there's more going on whether you want to acknowledge it and tap in or not,  like you are a part of that. And whether you're being intentional or not, you are playing a role at work.

BRENNA

I definitely agree. And to me, the atmosphere and the experience to me — it’s the relationships too. All of this applies to relationships in every corner of your life. And there are going to be people who just check into whatever role they need to fit, and that happens. But then some people really light up, and we get to connect with them, and those relationships feel very different. It’s not good or bad - it’s just different. And part of that is the energetic exchange that is created in those dynamics. A lot of that is tied to, “How safe do I feel to be my authentic self right now?”

ALEXA

It’s brilliant. You’re brilliant. This is a theme of the conversation I did not expect but really love. I’m just so grateful for you, for going there with me! 

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Ready for part 2? Read on below!