Introducing, Authentic by Alexa

The guide wish I'd had while navigating the many winding roads that got me here.

I’m so excited to announce the launch of my new digital guide, Authentic by Alexa.

I created this guide to make my signature process accessible to as many people as possible. I use it in my coaching, to help people cultivate more authenticity in their lives.

I believe that authenticity is completely essential. We only have one life. I want to spend mine being myself - not who other people want or “need” me to be. If you’re reading this, you likely agree.

As a child, my favorite game was ‘make-believe.’ My withdrawn, imaginative, sensitive, highly observant young self came alive and felt completely free when engulfed in an imaginary scenario.

At heart, I sometimes still feel like that little girl. She mustered up the bravery to play make-believe onstage for a while, as an actor. She learned that she could express whatever emotions she wanted to as long as she was playing someone else. She was able to find truths in dark theaters full of strangers.

My younger self loved losing herself in characters.

She had no idea how much authenticity great storytelling requires. She had no idea what authenticity was, period.

She had no idea that she would become a writer and life coach one day. Or that she’d be a temp receptionist, fourth-grade teacher, associate producer, educational consultant, and more, on the journey to writing and coaching.

The constant in my life has always been surprise.

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Leaning into authenticity has been life-changing for me.

I think it could be life-changing for you too.

I’ve developed closer, truer relationships than ever. I’ve cultivated more self-trust.

I believe in who I am, and what I bring to the world.

And I’m also human - so I’m still convinced that everything is wrong with me at least once a week.

Being authentic doesn’t mean being perfect, and having no more insecurities ever again.

This guide is not going to “fix” you. You don’t need fixing.

You’re just going to become more yourself.

Here’s how the guide works —

Step 1 - Investigation

First, you’ll investigate your inner world and spend some time getting to know yourself with deep intention.

Step 2 - Exploration

Next, you’ll explore your outer world through the lens of your full, real self, having spent some time in your inner world.

Step 3 - Integration

Lastly, you’ll integrate your inner and outer worlds. (The you you are when you’re not afraid of judgment, and the you you are when you’re trying to impress people and gain love and approval.) We’ll identify the changes necessary to bridge the gap between your inner and outer worlds so that there’s only one world — one where your authentic self can emerge.

(Each section includes approximately 15 journal prompts and ends with a visualization.

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To celebrate the launch, I thought it would be fun to respond to a prompt from each of the sections above.

Who are you when no one’s watching?

I like to call this version of me, my 3 AM self. It’s that feeling of “no one else is around and there are no rules and I can do whatever I want.” My “3 AM self” does whatever she wants with no inhibition. She dances in the kitchen and learns the dance trends from TikTok and watches cult documentaries. My most wild cozy free self.

She’s the self who danced to We’re All In This Together from High School Musical in her living room during quarantine. And then watched HSM 1 and 2 over the holidays, or “adult winter break” as I like to call it. I meant to watch all three, but I was so emotional from watching the first two and the last one always makes me cry as it is.

When no one’s watching, I seem to have all of my best ideas. I do my most vulnerable writing. And I do some of my clearest thinking.

In short, when no one’s watching - I am most myself.

When does your authentic self feel most uncomfortable and unseen? What does that feel like?

I have such vivid memories of living on autopilot in situations where my authentic self was uncomfortable. It’s strange, those memories of living outside myself and being outside of my body, just trying to make it through the day.

Years ago, I used to be a temp receptionist/office coordinator floating from one shiny Manhattan office to the next. I had just decided to take a break from acting and thought that temping would be a good way to learn a lot about different kinds of professions, without much commitment.

In these particular offices, being an admin temp was all about anticipating needs and being kind of invisible. As a people pleaser, I was pretty great at that.

I had tons of questions that I would have loved to ask about these businesses, but I learned to push them aside. I had questions about the tasks that I was asked to perform sometimes, but I quickly learned to “keep my head down and just figure it out.” Even though I was usually only at these offices for a few days at a time max, and had no idea what was going on!

(Years later, when I was asked something like “what qualities are important for you, in a boss/manager?” I quickly replied, “I need to be able to ask questions. I don’t need someone to hold my hand. I am a self-starter, and can absolutely become self-sufficient over time- but I have to feel comfortable asking questions when I genuinely need an answer, to do my best work. Especially when starting out.”)

When people would ask about my background, I learned not to tell them about my past life as an actor, and I never dared to mention the play I was working on on the side when things got slow during the work day. My creative endeavors were often looked down upon and even mocked by a lot of the people I worked with. I decided to leave that part of myself - a really huge part of myself - at home. I had to squeeze my authentic self into a tiny box, to make it through the day without ruffling any feathers or stepping on anyone’s toes.

On the outside, I looked like the consummate, successful professional 20-something woman. On the inside, I was praying that the clock would fast forward to 5:00 PM so that I could be set free.

The discomfort felt itchy in my body; like a sweater that looks comfortable but actually makes you want to crawl out of your skin. (Ironically, I do have a cozy sweater that I used to think was itchy, because of the anxiety that I experienced while I happened to be wearing it.)

Every night when I got home, I would experience the sensation you get when the wheels of a plane land on the tarmac - a huge release. Most nights, I would order takeout, get in bed, and stay there until I had to return to the office the next day.

On my morning commute, I would listen to the Mary Poppins Returns soundtrack and Taylor Swift’s album, Lover, on repeat. Sometimes I listened to music at the office, on particularly stressful days.

When you're alone in your room
Your choices just embrace the gloom
Or you can trip a little light fantastic with me

For if you hide under the covers
You might never see the day
But if a spark can start inside your heart
Then you can always find the way

So when life is getting dreary
Just pretend that you're a leerie
As you trip a little light fantastic with me

^Imagine how satisfying it was to listen to “The Man” on the subway to work in the morning.

I knew that I couldn’t keep up this lifestyle long-term, but I had no idea what to do instead. It was strange - feeling very respected as a ‘working professional’ while not being able to share my true self much at all. My breaking point luckily came right before the pandemic, but that’s a story for another essay.

What concrete changes would you like to make, to start showing up more authentically? What areas would you like to focus on first?

This year, I’m working on honoring my authentic rhythm, by thinking more carefully and intentionally before scheduling plans. Just because my calendar is clear, doesn’t mean that I’m automatically free to say yes to everything I’m asked to do. During Authenticity Tuesdays last night, we talked about how to distinguish the difference between our authentic self saying no to something vs. fear trying to talk us out of it. I basically do this every time I leave the house, when a little voice inside of me goes “what if you just didn’t do that thing you planned to do?”

By the way — you still have three more chances to join us for Authenticity Tuesdays! 8 - 9 PM EST. On Zoom. Every week this month. Totally free.

Check out Authentic by Alexa below, and share it with a friend if you think it’s their vibe!

And let me know what you think if you get it - I’d love to hear what you learn about yourself, your inner and outer worlds, and how to bridge the gap between them.

Let’s all take a page from Dolly Parton’s book, and learn how to be ourselves on purpose.

PS - I also watched Dumplin’ almost every night, during my first temp assignment. Highly recommend.

A classic "Dollyism"