Ah I love this conversation. Opened because I am a friend of Julia, commenting because I liked it. My addition re: authenticity and knowing whether others are being authentic is that I often (and therefore I assume others as well) cannot come up with authentic responses in real time. I spend a lot of my time going through appropriate motions and responding in conversations in ways that keep things moving but may not at all be what I really "believe." For that I need introspection and time (does taking time to get to know yourself better on the front end ever solve this problem? I am skeptical, at least for myself). This brings up the psych concept of tending to feel we ourselves are fluid & influenced by surroundings but others are fixed & act based on their character. Hence we could see someone as "inauthentic" when maybe they just aren't able to know what is genuine for them in the moment. Huge admiration for those who can come up with someone real on the spot!
Whoa! That is so (unsurprisingly, bc it’s you) insightful. There are times when I feel something immediately in my body as true, bc it’s based on emotion. But in general, I agree that calm reflection, after the fact, is what most reliably brings about “truth.” Can’t wait to pick you brain about this more in person :)
Alexa and Julia thank you for this wonderful conversation. I love and appreciate your insight Julia that you can never really know if someone is being authentic or not so you rely on your instinct about people. I believe this to be true and it's also fascinating - it could be a whole other conversation - because I think when a person is lacking sincerity our BS meter goes off unless there is an underlying, unacknowledged gain for us where we choose to ignore it.
Also, I enjoyed hearing your take on NYC (as a fellow mountain dweller) and that your background there makes you feel able to take on anything. I love it!!!
Thank you Donna! Wow, I am also fascinated by the paradox of figuring out whether someone is being sincere. I’ve been watching deception-game reality TV while sick recently (think Survivor) and reflecting on if (and how) we can know when someone’s lying to us. My soft takeaway is that a charade can last only for so long. Aka, with enough time, the truth comes out. I’m so glad you enjoyed reading this! Alexa is wonderful for putting it all together
Ah I love this conversation. Opened because I am a friend of Julia, commenting because I liked it. My addition re: authenticity and knowing whether others are being authentic is that I often (and therefore I assume others as well) cannot come up with authentic responses in real time. I spend a lot of my time going through appropriate motions and responding in conversations in ways that keep things moving but may not at all be what I really "believe." For that I need introspection and time (does taking time to get to know yourself better on the front end ever solve this problem? I am skeptical, at least for myself). This brings up the psych concept of tending to feel we ourselves are fluid & influenced by surroundings but others are fixed & act based on their character. Hence we could see someone as "inauthentic" when maybe they just aren't able to know what is genuine for them in the moment. Huge admiration for those who can come up with someone real on the spot!
Whoa! That is so (unsurprisingly, bc it’s you) insightful. There are times when I feel something immediately in my body as true, bc it’s based on emotion. But in general, I agree that calm reflection, after the fact, is what most reliably brings about “truth.” Can’t wait to pick you brain about this more in person :)
Alexa and Julia thank you for this wonderful conversation. I love and appreciate your insight Julia that you can never really know if someone is being authentic or not so you rely on your instinct about people. I believe this to be true and it's also fascinating - it could be a whole other conversation - because I think when a person is lacking sincerity our BS meter goes off unless there is an underlying, unacknowledged gain for us where we choose to ignore it.
Also, I enjoyed hearing your take on NYC (as a fellow mountain dweller) and that your background there makes you feel able to take on anything. I love it!!!
Thank you Donna! Wow, I am also fascinated by the paradox of figuring out whether someone is being sincere. I’ve been watching deception-game reality TV while sick recently (think Survivor) and reflecting on if (and how) we can know when someone’s lying to us. My soft takeaway is that a charade can last only for so long. Aka, with enough time, the truth comes out. I’m so glad you enjoyed reading this! Alexa is wonderful for putting it all together
love it when two of my favorite writers get to connect! Julia, you'll get to hear a conversation with Donna in just a few weeks :)
Ahh! Great news, I can't wait